HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER A BAD BREAKUP ?

Going through a breakup is really tough, especially when you were so attached to your partner for years. Breakups are painful and hard to digest, it's like a part of you is being snatched away from you and you are completely out of control. But! there is always a solution to everything in this world, overcoming the breakup is possible, the only requirement is you should be ready to work upon it instead of expecting time to heal your wounds, there is a quote " conflict delayed is conflict multiplied " and that is exactly what fits in case of a breakup, we generally avoid, ignore, hide the things from our friends & family and it becomes even more difficult when you have nobody to talk to. 

I've been through this and I know it's very painful , all the dreams & that you've made haunt you so badly, suddenly the whole world collapse, you might be feeling incomplete and lonely & completely broken from inside BUT! if you would be completely broken then there wouldn't be anyone inside you to feel and experience the pain, which means there is still something left in you and you can overcome it.

Well let's carefully analyze the situation and then you can work upon the solution because you can't solve something unless you know exactly what to solve but before that please make sure that you really want to move on completely! no more if or but or things which hold you in the middle because it will going to make things very hard for you.

The dynamics of every breakup are different and we need to carefully examine both sides of the coin,

it's so easy to say "move on", " grow up " but only the person going through it can feel how terrible things are.

Let's carefully analyze the things together and then try to solve it

THERE ARE MAINLY 3 REASONS WHY A BREAKUP HAPPENS:-

1- INCOMPATIBILITY ISSUES

This is the most common issue due to which a breakup takes place, the two of you might be incompatible with each other and reason can be anything, ex:- you may be an introvert and they may be a completely extrovert, you don't like to speak much but they are like, speaking all the day and in such condition, the chaos is bound to happen, let's take another example:-

you might be highly ambitious and goal-driven and your partner is less serious and more chill regarding life, and there are numerous examples and in all such cases, a breakup is inevitable.

No one of you is wrong in this case, you are just simply with the wrong person, people generally don't realize this while being in the dating phase or before approaching someone for a relationship and after some time the reality appears.

you just need to find someone more compatible with you, discuss your likes, dislikes, preferences in the dating phase, or when you approach someone whom you want as your partner, observe people! how they behave and respond and then take any step further if things go well otherwise, look for someone else who is more compatible with you.

2- CHEATED ON

Cheating is a serious issue, your mind constantly bombards you with the memories you spent in the past and puts the question mark on all those memories, your ability to love again, and your self-esteem. your brain constantly tells you that you are not worthy enough to deserve love ( and this is more severe when you've been neglected in your childhood by the people you loved ) but remember one thing " This is not your fault ", it is absolutely normal and biological to develop an attraction towards someone else while being in a relationship but it is the self-control that we need to have on ourselves to not to be driven by our temporary urges and to not do anything which can harm our present relationship.

The only difference between someone who cheats in a relationship and someone who doesn't is the actions out of those urges.

It's hard to swallow this pill but you need to accept that your partner didn't deserve you and you can't do anything in this except accepting it and completely cutting off the ties with your ex and moving on in life and finding someone mature enough to not act out of their urges. Take this as a lesson.

3- MUTUAL DECISION

Well, if you fall into this category then it will be less painful for both of you and there's nothing much to define in this case. Something was missing or incompatible between both of you and you both decided to separate, this was the best decision you could have possibly take other than fix the things if they were minute. This is one of the subparts of the incompatibility issues in a relationship that can be contexted in many other ways.

LET'S FOCUS ON HOW TO MOVE ON 

1 - JOURNALING

This is one of the most effective methods to overcome not only breakup but any sort of mental trauma you are going through. Journaling helps you to express yourself and all the emotions that are stuffed in you and give you closure ( closure is what people generally seek when they go through any trauma and especially in a breakup, people tend to find the reasons why this happened to them even when subconsciously they know the answer. In search of closure, people often again get stumbled to their exes, which only makes things hard ) so it is better to self-seek the closure and pour out all the emotions through journaling. This is really helpful when you don't have anyone to talk to or you don't want to talk to anyone in this phase of your life.

You don't need to be an expert in writing, this is not a school test! Simply take out a diary and a pen and start writing everything you are feeling. Do this every day, even for 10 mins a day is enough but be consistent.

This helps to clean out the clutter in your head and when you see the progress of being consistent in journaling, 

IT HELPS YOU TO STAY MOTIVATED IN THE JOURNEY OF MOVING ON.

2 - EXERCISING

This might sound completely impossible right now according to your situation but exercising or working out is very important. You might be feeling completely drained and unable to move out of your bed and this is the reason why you are feeling like this, you are not providing enough oxygen to your brain and sunlight to your body which is certainly a must in the moving on phase, many people don't even eat enough food in breakup phase and due to this, they feel energyless, drained, anxious and even depressed. Your body doesn't know anything known as a breakup, it needs proper food nutrients, and physical activities to function on an optimum level, So EAT SOMETHING AND EXERCISE!

give your brain some oxygen and see how your depressed body language changes. Make it a routine and follow it daily, you don't need to be a hardcore athlete or something, 

even a 30-minute small workout is enough but follows it regularly. This will make you look good in the long term and boost your energy level & productivity.

3- CREATE BOUNDARIES

This is very important if you don't want to be in the same situation due to the same reason once again. Create healthy boundaries with people and it doesn't matter whether they are your parents or anyone, create healthy boundaries and clearly tell people about your moral values, ethics, and preferences, this doesn't mean go and impose your preferences on them, it means politely tell them what you don't like and also be ready to accept and modify it according to the situation, don't be too rigid about anything unless it is something beyond which you can't go and stay away from all the people in your circle who don't respect your boundaries and at the same time, be open to accepting theirs too.

If you don't do this then in the future there is a possibility that you will face the same situation in another relationship and which only indicated you didn't learn anything from this breakup. SO TAKE THIS AS A LEARNING.

4- START DOING SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS LOVED TO DO OR BUILD A NEW HABIT

Start doing things which you always wanted or loved to do but couldn't while being in your relationship, it could be singing, sketching, dancing, reading, writing or whatever you like.

Connect with those things again and you will feel a significant decrease in your anxiety and an increase in your happiness index.

If you didn't like doing anything then build a new habit, get out of your comfort zone and do something you are scared of doing, it can be public speaking, performing any art in front of people, or anything else, it depends on your personality type.

5- CONNECT WITH YOUR LOVED ONES

Last but not the least, connect with the people who love you or the people you love ( except your ex ). Talk to them, hang out with them more often and tell them to not bring any conversation regarding your ex and help you to move on, if they truly love you then they will definitely going to help you in getting over this phase. 

→ This tip is in the last position because it includes connecting with people and asking them to help you, although they love you and want to help you, it is better to solve things on your own because it builds the courage in you that you can get over any problem in life by your own, it builds self-esteem and confidence in you, you cannot stay dependent on people to help you every time, it's only you who can solve things.

This will take time, it depends on how intense your emotional connection was 

( it may take months or maybe a year also) but it is possible to overcome this and be in a more beautiful, healthy, and mature relationship, numerous possibilities and opportunities are waiting for you after this, It depends upon how much cable you are to grab them.

Our ego becomes stronger when it is hurt and the more you hurt it the more strength it gathers, it is your ego that is still considering that person your possession, your resistance to change is what is hurting you so LEARN TO LET GO. it will going to take time and lot of internal struggle sometimes but what is more important is YOU CAN DO IT!

TRY FOLLOWING ALL THE TIPS PROVIDED ABOVE CONSISTENTLY

and you will definitely be going to overcome this, we believe in you, just keep moving forward.

START FROM NOW!